I’m writing this first blog just 12 days after my wife, Nicola, died aged 35. It was cancer that did it, but there will be more on that in the next blog.
The reasons behind me opting to do this are numerous. Firstly, I’m a journalist by trade, so splurging out lots of words in an attempt to tell a story comes rather naturally.
Secondly, it’ll probably be something of a cathartic exercise. Talking to people is one thing, but being able to sit down and put ‘pen to paper’ on something that has had a profound affect on you is quite another and is probably that bit more effective when it comes to both successfully communicating your feelings and also ensuring your words are processed as desired by those reading them.
I also want this to help people. That might refer to people in my own circle of family and friends who will initially read it out of sympathy and then realise it’s actually not that bad after all, or it could refer to those who discover it by accident and find it helps them with a similar situation they might be dealing with.
It’s pretty specific. I’m a 38-year-old man who has just been tasked with the job of bringing up my beautiful three-year-old daughter, Grace, whilst trying to maintain her mummy’s influence despite her not being around anymore. Quite how that’s going to go, I have no idea, but at least doing this blog from the off means people can experience that journey with me if they so desire. I don’t know how long I’ll blog for, perhaps until people stop reading or if I feel like neither I or anyone else is getting much benefit from it for whatever reason.
Either way, whilst it’s true the situation I now find myself in is far from unique and there will be others who have been through very similar scenarios, this is about us and if people like what this blog will provide then that’ll do for me.
As I write this, I’m in something of a haze given how recently Nicola passed away, and that in itself will probably provide the background for a future blog. Nevertheless, having spent the last few days talking, reminiscing, laughing and crying about the wonderful woman who has just left us, I feel the clarity of my feelings can only improve by refusing to bottle them up.
So, stay tuned as I attempt to prove it.